Some weeks back we discussed on how Nancy became successful after being gang raped by the street men.
Today, I will be dealing with pressures from family and friends.
This is because…
Every day of our lives we face pressures, we experience pressures, and we’re being pressured to go against our will.
We constantly oppose the pressures to do what we do not really want to do.
The unmarried 25year old lady gets pressurized by her family, friends and even the society at large to go get married.
The unmarried 32year old man has his own share of pressure to face from both family and society.
A student who is not yet into the University feels pressure from friends and the society.
What is to say about the couple who has been married for years without a child?
They get constant tonnes of pressures by mothers-in-law, fathers-in-law, uncles, mothers and even the large society too.
Everyone expects them to have a baby.
The Lady who doesn’t wear what is in vogue like the other ladies do seems to face pressure from other people.
And the little teen gets constant and unending pressures from peers to either abuse drugs, sex, or smoke.
Societal Pressure Is What We Experience And Fight Every Day
If we take a closer look at the cases above, from that of the 25year old unmarried Lady to the 32year old Bachelor.
From the student who is yet to get admittance into the University to the couple who is yet to have a baby.
From the Lady who doesn’t or rarely buys clothes in vogue to the little teen whose peers expects that he lives his life like theirs.
We can deduce this simple truth, the society wants us to be like them.
Everyone wants us to be like them, to do what they do and have what they have.
The society keeps bringing pressures in, and we keep fighting them.
But how long can one fight against these pressures?
For how long can we resist them?
Since everyone wants to influence us and make us be like them (though, sometimes, these actions comes unconsciously) we must know how to stop those influences we do not want.
What use is a gun if it’s owner doesn’t make use of it for defense and security?
What use is the power of your choice if you can’t decide what you want to do and what not?
How can we decide to do only the things we want to do?
How do we overcome these daily pressures?
1. Be principled
A person without principle is like a house without a fence, any person can barge in and out of it.
Principles help in curbing other people’s spontaneous control over us.
The principle is like self-promises, promises we have made to ourselves.
Promises we are never to break or leave unfulfilled.
Setting and holding us to our own principles helps us stand out from the crowd.
We know what we want and what we do not want.
As a matter of fact, the person who doesn’t set his own principles will end up living with another person’s.
If you must live a life freedom, doing what you want without being choked by other people’s “sincere” opinions, then you must know what you stand for.
Simply put, principles are what you do, and what you never do.
For some people, their own principles include this,
- Never to look down on anyone
- Never to lie or steal
- To treat everyone humanely
- To respect other people’s opinion.
These and more are certain people’s principle, they hold on to it and never go against their self-promises, even when the odds seem to be against them.
Their principles have become a way of life for them and they just have to live it.
And because they have rules, no one can buy them into going contrary to their self-promises.
They rule their world and are in charge of it because, as much as they respect people’s opinion, they do not let other people have control over their lives.
They live by principles, are in charge of their lives and their self-esteem gets boosted.
Yes, a person gains confidence when he feels he is in charge of his own life.
Set your own principles today.
Pick some habits you’d love to cultivate and decide to them when necessary.
Choose to stand by your decisions even when pressures from family and the society had formed an avalanche.
You can choose to be honest at all times. To always tell the truth, both in acts and in words.
You can choose to stay away from sex until marriage. You can choose to do anything good and reasonable.
Choose them and stand by them.
You can write them on a board or paper and place it where you’ll get to read it always.
That will even help your chosen principles settle faster in your subconscious.
Take a step now.
2. Know what you want
For a person who doesn’t know what he wants, everything will look like it.
To withstand the daily pressures which come upon us, we must know exactly what we want and stand by it.
The society, friends, and family will bring their own suggestions and opinions, but is that really what you want for yourself?
If the unmarried 25year old lady does not know what she wants, the society will present her many “wants” which looks like her own “want”.
To withstand pressures, she must know if marriage is what she wants now.
She must be bold for what she wants.
She must refuse to let opinions become her reality.
Knowing exactly what you want is essential in this.
Know what kind of character you want to portray, when peers try to make you smoke or abuse drugs.
Know what kind of things you really need, when friends try to make you spend extravagantly.
Remember it’s your life, you have to live it. Other people should not live your own life for you.
Hey, own your life and live it.
Know what you want.
3. Question yourself
The act of questioning oneself is one act we need to intentionally learn if we must overcome social pressures.
Self-questioning will help you make better and healthier choices.
It will help you sieve through all the suggestions of the society, to find the gold.
It will help you stand firm in the choices you’ve made.
If the Lady who is being pressured to buy clothes which are in vogue, implements the act of self-questioning, she will question herself this way.
Am I ready to spend unwisely just to please people?
Are these the kinds of clothes I really want now?
Am I ready to sacrifice my happiness and contentment for the society?
After buying these clothes, what will happen in the long or short run?
What if the clothes go extinct in the next month? Will I still wear them proudly?
Will I be ready to buy other new ones to replace the old ones which are no longer in vogue?
What is the worst thing that will happen If I do not buy these clothes?
What great thing will happen when I buy them?
If she sincerely answers those questions, she will have a clear sight of what she really wants.
If you do not question yourself on daily basis, pressures might overtake your thinking ability.
So, you’ll just find yourself doing everything to please everyone.
Ask yourself questions. Take wiser decisions. Live happily and healthy.
4. Announce your distinction
When pressures come, speak out.
Announce your distinction.
Tell them you’re not willing to give in to their pressures and opinions.
Let them know you are disciplined.
Let them know you’ve got your life to live.
Though this shouldn’t be done in a rude manner.
Speak out and let your words be filled with conviction.
Let them see that you have self-promises to fulfill.
The teen who is pressured to adopt unruly behaviors can use this technique.
If he keeps declaring and announcing his distinctions, letting his peers know that he isn’t ready to tread that path, they will eventually back out.
Speak out, for if you do not say who you are, they will mistake you for just another person.
Do not be afraid to reject their opinions, be bold for your principles.
Stand firm by them, soon the society will come to understand you and nobody will try to pressure you into doing their wish.
Announce your distinction.
5. Be with the right kind of people
The importance of being with the right people cannot be over emphasized.
If we must overcome social pressures, then we must leverage on this.
Since most of the daily pressures we face come from friends and people we spend time with, being with the right people will help reduce these pressures.
We need to make sure our social life is healthy if we must challenge and win the fight against pressures.
Who are your friends?
Who spends time with you?
We are born with the inherent nature of trying to change the people we care about so they can become like us.
Though we do this unconsciously.
When your friends understand you, respect your principles and helps you become better you’ll find that the pressures have been drastically reduced already.
Be with the right kind of people.
Don’t fail to go with the people who value you.
Those who value your beliefs, who accepts you the way you are, and who makes the most out of you.
The right people can make your life right. People that allow the light in you shine.
Choose your friends wisely and your pressures will be cut down.
Have you been mistreated by the family, friends or relatives before? How did you manage to overcome the emotional hurdle and pains? Did you allow the evil thoughts of people affect your life negatively?