Writing after sex is not easy all the time. For how to get sexually motivated to write, it doesn’t matter if you are just starting out or if you regularly write to publish a couple of books per year, you can probably relate to the issue of staying motivated to write more.
From my experience, staying motivated to write, edit, and finish your book, a course or even a blog post can be a major challenge for aspiring writers. Truth is, whether you believe it or not, there are many writers out there, including published authors, who don’t particularly like writing very much.
You may have set a daily word count for yourself using, probably a weekly goal or monthly planner. Do you find your creativity and motivation depleted because you feel behind when you don’t reach it?
It’s natural to feel it.
For that title up there, the real one is how great sex helps me stay motivated to write. However, if I caught your attention with that title, welcome aboard. Let’s be real and keep it 100% friend.
For some people how they get motivated to write is never to think about motivation. For you, it may not come work that way. You need motivation; you need someone or something to push you saying “Hey dude, you gotta write more!”
I read an article by Kristin of Literally Darling who was born in the early ‘90s, and raised in the early ‘00s, a time where conservative ideas about sex and gender seemed to reign.
While the twenty- and thirty-somethings of the era were being “liberated” by Carrie Bradshaw, those of us who were a bit too young to buy our own HBO subscription were many times raised on abstinence-only education and Judy Blume novel as our only outlet for sexual exploration and knowledge.
As a product of this system and generation, it’s no surprise to her that many people of her age find themselves pretending to believe in antiquated gender roles, hiding behind sexist and misogynistic comments on social media, but simultaneously talking about sex behind closed doors.
If you told 15-year-old me that I would be writing very explicit columns about sex and relationships, pulling very heavily from personal experiences, and fighting with all of my might to allow people from all gender expressions and sexualities to be loud about theirs as well, I would have thought you were crazy/had no idea what you were talking about.
This post is not about Kristin, but you.
Have you had sex before? How did it come off? Was it painful the first time you tried?
Did you make the argghh-ohhbaby-easyplease-bringitonsounds?
Having sex before you write helps you start your writing with a bang without holding back, seriously.
I have sex with words.
I have sex with nature.
I have sex with wussy thoughts people spit on social media.
I have sex with the feedback I get from people after buying my course.
Last year in the Personal Development category, we had Lorraine Reguly share her experience with a few Q n A on her journey to sanity after being raped. If you have suffered ANY type of abuse (physical, sexual, psychological), Lorraine’s advice is to tell someone.
As Lorraine shared, going through it alone is awful. She knows; because she has been there. Get her book From Nope To Hope today on her website if you’re fighting with suicidal thoughts.
How do you get motivated to write? Follow this tips.
Have Sex With Your Readers, Grow More Confident
As a writer, I have sex with everything worth having sex with. Even those of us who have jobs we love, sometimes cringe at the thought of going into work without having sex.
It’s so much easier to stare at the wall and repeat, “I just don’t want to go to work today,” than to actually find the necessary motivation to just get your ass in there and get your shift over with.
But what if you could make the moment more bearable before you start writing? Like maybe setting aside time to have sex with nature before you start writing every day?
Do you think that maybe then you wouldn’t dread it so much? I’m no scientist, but I always find everything is so much better to have I have an orgasm. An orgasm to release certain folks from the boundaries of depression, hardship and ignorance.
Studies have found time and time again that having sex before work in the morning is one of the best things you can do for not just yourself, but your relationship.
To build a solid relationship with your readers, you need to have sex with them often, even before you write a single piece. Ask them how they want it, and you’ll get the motivation to write as last long writing the right things.
See Sex As A Writing Activity, Get Motivated
Sex is much more than intercourse but other than a few basic variations we aren’t usually taught just how much more. Almost everything around us – movies, magazines, books, even our friends and relatives-approach sex as something you ‘do’. In other words, sex is seen primarily as an activity.
If you can understand how sex works, you will understand how writing works.
Most people never question the attitude of having sex with nature before writing and can naturally assume that if it is something that you ‘do’, you should ‘do’ it well.
Prowess and performance can creep into our expectation of sex and make us self-conscious rather than other conscious. After people have sex, they get a bit of a bounce in their step.
They’re feeling good and they’re feeling happy thanks to all that oxytocin that was released. Suddenly dealing with a cranky boss and a bunch of dim-witted coworkers doesn’t seem so bad.
Whether you’re a bartender who works until closing time, an executive at Prep Corn who goes in at 7 a.m., or a blogger for lady sites who don’t start writing until midnight, always have sex with people’s problems for you to be able to satisfy their needs.
It’s enough motivation to start writing.
You Don’t Have To Read To Get Motivated, Ask
Do you need to watch pornography before you feel the urge to have sex with your partner? Maybe, but I don’t think that’s a must.
If you need a motivation to write, don’t just start reading anything or watching every video clip popular writers has published. You may not really get what you want.
Do this instead; ask people questions. You have friends with different problems on social media. Ask them questions and use them to fuel your tank of motivation. Join Facebook groups, or any other social community depending on the platform you want answers and ask people questions. Ask, ask, ask, and ask until your tank of motivation gets filled up.
You could be driven by the wrong things. If you don’t want to ask questions, study social media trends and identify the questions people are asking and use that to fuel the ink of your pen.
To make it a little more personal, you can ask yourself questions and get answers. Question peoples question and allow the urge to discover answers drive you to write.
Do you need motivation? Go for it and flow with the moment.
Flow With The Moment, Keep At It
Imagine yourself climbing a great mountain. High above the ground, you cleave to the rocks. You move very deliberately, aware of every placement of your foot, the angles of your body, how your hand grips every protruding stone.
There is no room for error; one lapse in attention can cost you your life. You focus intensely; nothing exists but you and this mountain. Time seems to slow down, your sense perceptions are heightened – colors are sharper and brighter and each sound seems to ripple right through you.
This time, with every step you take one thing, stands out for you; you flow with the moment. As you move up the mountain, your mind shifts into a new space. A sense of vibrant aliveness, connectedness and peace infuse your being.
You feel in tune with life, moving with a precision and poise you don’t fully understand but at the same time relish in. You’re in the zone. You’re in the flow. Once the climb is over, you find yourself at the base of the mountain and back in ‘normal’ life. Your mind slowly returns to its usual state of chattering away.
It is your duty to flow with writing once the motivation comes else you lose it. Make it something that is a habit for your good health, so you need to do it for your higher good and greater joy.
Pretend it is like great sex, and flow with the moment. Writing and sex are both about being in the moment, being in the flow of energy. While going with the flow, pray to your personal muses and watch it glow.
Not minding how stupid the title of this post came off. Maybe you came onboard and saw something else yet you stood by to read till now. I need you to release yourself from the expectation that your writing has to be a perfect, brilliant 1000 words.
Just show up each day and do your best for that day. Write until you think there’s nothing more to write. Don’t think less because you don’t want to write more. Remember, follow the flow.
Before I start writing, I think about the people who will read and taking them along on the journey with me. For you, I would love to hear your thoughts.
Have you felt less motivated to write? How did you pull through? What did you do to overcome the situation of feeling less motivated?